When vs. If

Our goals, hopes and dreams… we’re going to achieve them no matter what right? Right?!

“I’m going to get this done no matter what!” 

Have you ever heard anyone say this or you say this to yourself to hype you up to get something done? I’ve been guilty of this in the past and I’ve found it’s one of the most counter-productive things you can do for yourself. Why? Because it’s a cop-out answer, it doesn’t really mean anything, anyone can say that at any time for anything they want to achieve. 

I always use to refer to my goals, hopes and dreams in the context of ‘when’.

When this will happen…

When I accomplish…

When I achieve…

When I reach…

When I get…

And on and on. Now it is good to use When to set a timeframe for your goals because goals without timeframes are just dreams.

So we humans like to use the word ‘When’ as a false guarantee that what we want will definitely happen. And we forget this until something reminds us that nothing is guaranteed in this life, except our own death. 

So why do we use When instead of If and why use If at all?

We use When to protect ourselves from failure, the thought of failure and the fear of failure itself. When we daydream about how we want our lives to be, our brain releases chemicals to make us feel good and we want to stay in that zone. Why would we ever want to leave? But do we get anything done in this state? Hardly ever. It’s sometimes good to daydream, to envision what we really want and then forge a path to make that a reality. 

We use When for the same reason we never make the big changes we need to… we are afraid of change and afraid of that change being the wrong change. 

That’s why when you correct a friend and they sound all hopeful and inspired saying “When this…” and “When that…” and you give them a dose of reality and just reply “If” and you’ve killed their thunder and they give you a *You killed the moment* look.

Why are we afraid of If. Because it actually puts a real consequence in front of us, that we may actually fail, really fail and, never, achieve what we hoped to. And we don’t want to explore that, because we’re afraid, it’s a scary possible reality we don’t want to face. But we must explore failure because what does failure and its consequences create???

Urgency. Massive urgency!

If makes us ponder internally “what if…” we didn’t achieve our dreams, how would we feel, live, and go about day to day? It makes us stop, sit and think with ourselves What are the consequences of not…? Sitting down and exploring that will light a fire under your ass to get after it!

When we think of the When context instead of the If it becomes external, and we know external motivation is a lot less powerful and less lasting than internal motivation. 

If makes you come back to yourself, to look deep within, to go to the depths of who you are to find your “Why?”

We like to think we’re invincible, that we have all the time in the world, but we don’t. Our time has been limited since the day we were born. So it’s time to get to it.

Not in 2 days 

Not in 2 weeks 

Not in 2 months 

Not in 2 years 

Not in 2 decades

It’s time to make changes NOW, for the better, keep the promises you make to yourself, that’s the biggest evidence of self-respect you can afford yourself. 

Acta non verba. Action not words.

Until next time, if there is a next time. 

Brody